Spiritual crisis that lasted three hours

I had one of those spiritual crises that questioned Biblical history and authenticity today. I overheard the philosophy TAs bashing Christianity and creationism, as usual, but one thing stuck in my head. The beginning of Matthew traces Jesus' direct lineage from Adam, but there is only a few dozen names. How can that account for the entire time that man has walked on Earth? Are the scriptures just a myth that can't be backed up scientifically? Surely the billions of years involved in evolution could better account for human history than the short timeframe of God's creation account and Jesus' relatively short lineage.

I've grown up reading the scriptures with a critical eye, like the Bereans Paul described. I don't just blindly believe what I read. I've wrestled through countless issues.

I walked away toward Geisel library this afternoon after a day of TAing, and I had a lot of essays to write and grade. But I felt God tell me to chill on a park bench in Price Center and wait on Him. So I sat for a while, bowed my head and told Him about my spiritual crisis.

Suddenly I realized that I'd been through this crisis before, maybe 4 years ago. My mind flooded with thoughts as if scales fell off of the my mind's eye. I felt like He was saying, "If I'm God, and if I created everything, couldn't I do it in 7 days if I wanted? If I created everything in 7 days, couldn't I create everything to have preset age? Remember Genesis, did I create Adam as an infant? No. Did I create Eve as an infant? No. Couldn't I create the Earth to give off an older carbon date if I wanted? Yes."

I felt like Job at the end of his book when God showed him who's boss. Job ignorantly questioned God toward the end, but the last chapter is filled with God showing Job how powerful He really is. Ironic to this discussion, he shows Job his power by asking him, "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?" A question about creation.

So I sat on the bench humbled and refreshed from not rushing head first into hours of studying, but spent that time with Him. I had foolishly looked at God through the eyes of my worldly philosophy friends. They put a million constraints on God purely based on their own limited understanding. God is not restricted to our time and space. Who's to say he couldn't create an old Earth? It's really not that hard to imagine for those who see God as he really is, in all his power and abilities. It is very hard to imagine for those who don't see Him, but it doesn't mean He's not there.

WCC

I went to World Christian Conference this past weekend. Pastor Jimmy from Antioch Church in Waco, Texas, was the speaker. He was so radical and convicting! My prayer life has been transformed after that conference, and my walk with Him has been drastically improved. One point P Jimmy made was so have strong devotions, not just a few minutes but real time with the Lord. He said, "I need an hour a day just to keep out of sin!" How true for us guys!

What was more amazing was the drive up and down. I carpooled with a Korean couple from LA that I didn't know before the conference. The husband, Semmy, quickly became a mentor and father figure to me over those few days. I bombarded him with "son-like" questions on the drive down such as, "When did you transition from a boy to a man?" or "How did you learn to be a husband and father?" These fears and uncertainties have harmed promising relationships in the past.

His basic response was: Don't over analyze and just trust the Lord.

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Ph.D

My sister and dad are strongly urging me to go straight into a Ph.D program in Political Science. If it were up to me, I would do my Fulbright, do foreign policy work for 3 years in DC, then enroll into a full time Ph.D program and Johns Hopkins or Georgetown. But it's not up to me. There's a verse, I think in Proverbs: "In his heart a man makes his plans, but the Lord directs his steps." God has a way for throwing my short sighted plans out the window and blessing me with more than I could ever imagine.

I'm approaching my next step with a clear playing field, meaning that I may actually give up my job in DC or the Fulbright if He asked me to. Easy to say, hard to do.