Please, crap on my head.

Do I have a KICK ME sign on my back? Random people have been treating me like crap for the past few days.

2 days ago after surfing, I was trying to park my car to go to a bank. I signalled as a car was pulling out, but the car behind me went around and cut right into it. I usually block those things, but he looked like he was just going around. I was going to say something, but 4 teenage guys steeped out. I knew I was outnumbered so I just drove away shaking my head. Crap on my head #1.

I'm minding my own business in my backyard this afternoon, sharp shooting my new BB gun and nice scope. I just bought the BB gun 2 days ago. My neighbor starts yelling at me and accusing me of breaking car windows with the air gun 2 months ago. Hello? I wasn't even in SD until last week. He then told me he's reporting me to the cops and will tell the neighbors that I'm responsible. When I told him that I was in DC then, he says: "good alibi." Asshole! I spend the whole rest of the afternoon ringing on other neighbors' doorbells warning them that I'm not the one responsible for their broken windows--a little proactive diplomacy. Still, crap on my head #2.

I'm sitting in Panera bread right now doing some work bec the library closed on me. I little 3 yr old girl just ran outside by herself and headed toward the street. It's a busy parking lot and it's dark outside so cars can't see her. I looked back and ran after her, saying: "where's your mom?" I just wanted to stall her until her parents showed up, or until I could figure out if she needs to go back into the restaurant. Her dad storms out of the restaurant and gives me the dirtiest look, like I'm trying to kidnap her daughter. There's no, "thank you for saving my daughter's life." The look is, "I think you're a dirty rapist, now get away from my daughter." I understand where he's coming from, but nevertheless I feel crapped on.

Joke's on them, I'm still alive.

I'm a freelance English editor in my spare time. I get paid to grade papers and grad school essays written by Taiwanese students with terrible grammar skills. Here is an example of what I have to edit:

Written by an English teacher: "The SLT promotes through the way of the scenario emulation and the role play, making up the imperfection of traditional English teaching and learning environment, let student through right pronounce euphonic imitation, and role play, learn immediately to use immediately, not only produce the ego of learning affirmation, also ability English conversation lesson well exertive, then reach English the final target of the teaching-all-directions English vocational training."

What the heck is this?! I can't make sense of it. It's beyond editing. I end up rewriting it and making up half of their paper for them. It should be illegal for her to teach anyone English. Funny, but sad.

After some magic, the above statement becomes:

"This research is a successful attempt at documenting substantial evidence to validate the SLT English learning method. The author researched, compiled and inquired into matters concerning the related theories of SLT, then analyzed the relation of learning type and learning results using SLT in the classroom. This research shows that SLT can really improve a student’s learning attitude and performance."

Yes, I am a magician.

More on this type of thing at www.engrish.com, one of my favorite sites.

Tip: Never pee in the ocean when you're wearing a wetsuit. It's nice and warm for a minute, but then gets trapped inside for a long time... or so I've heard.