My corner office at State Headquarters, DC, with a window to the courtyard. Secret docs on my table (coverpage unclass). 

Press Conference at State Headquarters. This is behind the scenes to what you see on C-SPAN. Adam is getting swamped. 

The Met, in NY. 3 weeks ago. 

The State Dept Gym of All Places

I have been emotionally on edge for the past 2 weeks. More so since my trip to NY, for reasons specified below. Today, I went to the State Dept underground gym during my lunch break and worked out. Usually I'm very energetic, but today I was especially lethargic. Today is was triceps / chest / and abs. The room is surrounded by mirrors so I can make sure I have proper form. After each exercise I just sat and stared at my left forearms with words written in pen: "Beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord. 2 Corin 3:18." What the!! How appropriate, as I was surrounded by mirrors.

I sat there on the machine and dug deep into my soul to imagine beholding the glory of the Lord. That is the easy part. But how about "beholding in a mirror" as I try to see him reflected in me. That is more profound than I can grasp. I prayed to know what that is like again and again. To know that He lives within, and that His glory shines through. I wanted to have more of Him so badly, and to give myself up so completely.

Then I turned to the TV and saw the news of the video footage of the Chechen rebels in Russia holding the children hostage. For some reason, right there among a room full of diplomats, I ducked my head into my arms and cried and cried right there on the pec fly machine. My heart was torn from the brutality. How can such evil exist in the world? My heart was breaking for the things that break God's heart.

Right upstairs, about 7 floors above me at Headquarters was the Ops Center with emergency task forces that no doubt played a part in the Russian situation. Around me were State Dept specialists in the region, I'm sure. My heart was broken, and right then I knew that this is where I needed to be. This is the work that I will do, to stand up to the face of death and war.

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Pics

The pics I have included above are from (1) my office at the State Dept, on the fourth floor. I have one computer monitor with 3 computers (2 unclass, 1 secret). My desk looks clean bec it has to be cleared of secret documents every night or else the marines will get me busted when they sweep through. Out of the field of view are huge, heavy safes for my secret docs. Notice my window view to accompany my corner office. I'm so blessed!

Another pic (2) is from Adam, at the State Dept press conference where we watched him defend foreign policy. I picked up a few tricks on how to avoid direct questions, haha! Later, he gets swamped by reporters for an informal Q&A session off the record.

A third pic (3) at the Met in NY, where a guy just sat there with a pencil and drew the most amazing picture of the statue.

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NYC with Wes

I spent labor day weekend this past week in NY with Wes. Hours before I got on the bus, I felt that I shouldn't go. It was during my morning prayers that I felt convicted that I should stay home. However, I hate flaking out at the last moment bec it's disrespectful for my friends. I just can't break a promise. So I went, almost drudgingly (hope Wes doesn't read this).

Wes has an awesome apartment in East Village. It's my second trip there in 2 weeks. We hung out late with his med school friends, usually going out in a group of 5. In the late afternoon we would make Mojitos or vodka red bull before going out. Then we'd relax until 10pm, then head out club / bar hopping. I'd be his friend's wingman, we'd talk to girls, whatever. We don't get home until 5 am, usually after late night Ukrainian food at 4 am. The next day we would wake up at 2pm and repeat the cycle. It's really intense, but a lot of "fun." But this time is wasn't fun.

For a long time I've just wanted to rest in the Lord. I haven't been the same since about 2 weeks ago. Desperately, I just wanted to worship Him, play guitar, read His word, and rest my soul. It was like desperation. I was tired of the emptiness that the world brings. I wanted the joy that only comes from Him. It took me days to recover from NY, but I learned that I need to listen to Him, even if the consequence is letting down a friend.