Yosemite taught me real fear for unreal danger.

I spent 4 days out in the wild, away from people, and I was truly afraid that some bear would maul us or that I would be assaulted by some madman. Those are the unreal dangers. But really, I am terribly afraid of situations outside of my control or familiarity. Specifically, the wilderness.

My reaction was to press on and try to solve problems on my own. If I had to cross a freezing river with my heavy internal frame backpack, I would strategize and go. When we were lost in the snow covered 7000+ ft wilderness before dusk I raced around to try to find the snow covered trail, without success. The whole trip was about me fighting my fears and vulnerabilities... which was tremendously sad because it ignores the one who holds our fears in His hands.


As I drove out of the wilderness on the 4th day, tears streamed down my face.

In my daily urban lifestyle, I solve problems and avoid danger on my own while attributing everything to God's plan. Is it really God's plan if I lived by my own wits? When I rely on my own gifts, I still testify to His work in my life, but is it really Him or me? The wilderness answered this questions and truly tested me, and found me lacking. It is this realization that brought me to tears.

I felt that I was tested, but failed. I was filled with grief that when I dug deep within myself when I was seriously challenged instead of dropped on my knees where I belong. I belong in submission to Him so that my life can truly be a testimony of His work.